The Mis-Adventures of Sassy McKnockers

Who Does That?

04 Jun 2011 3 Comments

by Sassy Mcknockers in Uncategorized

Let’s just go ahead and start this blog by saying if you’re going to be offended by multiple curse words – discontinue reading. Like. Now.

MmmmK Thanks!

So, there’s this store that I absolutely adore. I go there all the time… seriously… ALL. THE. TIME. Well my birthday is tomorrow so they sent me a happy-birthday-here’s-some-extra-savings-coupons. My daughter and I went out to lunch and then off to shopping! Went shopping… spent a lot of money. I mean, I saved $226. But yea. I spent enough. My daughter wanted to go to Old Navy and get something so away we went since it is conveniently located next door. Buy a pair of sandals and we’re done…

We come out of Old Navy and I notice… There’s a tank parked next to me. Now. Let’s be clear… I don’t park next to people unless I absolutely have to. And when I say I don’t park next to them… I mean I park like 10 spaces away. I’m not a risk-taker in that department. Well… all the spaces leading up to my car are now occupied. But as I walk closer I notice the tank is pretty fucking close to my car. We get closer… closer… BAM. Holy fucking hell. My car was hit. And when this bitch hit me… it’s not like she bumped me and said “ooops” backed up and tried again. No. She kept going… from the wheel well all the way down the back door and 1/2 of the front!! Part of the “chrome” of her bumper is hanging from my car!!!

Now let’s be clear here – I’m fucking pissed. I’m shaking I’m so mad. And where is this bitch? Inside a fucking store! Did she leave me a note? NO.

This turns into me calling my parents… Mom answering and me replying “I need to speak to my dad right now.” My mom is a smart lady. She didn’t ask any questions on that note.

Then we call the police. Because so help this lady… if they don’t get there and she comes out to get in her car, I’m gonna lay her on her fucking ass.

Now we wait. Because this is low priority, of course!

So the police get there… run her tags. Get her name… and go into Famous Footwear where she’s WORKING and bring her outside. Now….. WHAT THE FUCK!?!?! Your ass went to work like this is normal. What the fuck is wrong with you? Seriously.

She looks at me and says, “Oh my, I’m sorry, I didn’t know hit you.”
My reply, “I’m not really sure how you wouldn’t have known given the amount of damage.”

She bent the wheel well of the car! There is about zero possibility of her not knowing she hit it… ZERO.

Yea – so she didn’t speak to me after that. Fucking bitch. Or maybe I was the bitch at that point. And to be honest – I’m ok with that.

So blah blah blah I get her insurance information… granted, she’s driving a 1999 Suburban and it is in a state of… I don’t even know. It’s trash. Similar to the owner. The windshield is busted!!! And when I say busted.. I don’t mean a small crack. I mean it’s BUSTED. And it’s a little illegal to drive with that. But who the fuck am I?

So then, I come home…. Call my insurance company just to notify them that this is going on. My insurance company is laughing (not in a bad way – you just have to hear me speak and then you’d totally understand) because I’m baffled by the fact that this lady just got out and went about her day like this shit was normal. I’m already not ok with turning 30 tomorrow and now we’re gonna add this to the mix. I’m seriously not ok with this. I’ve made THREE payments on this fucking car. THREE!!!! And your ass just hit my fucking car, got out of your car, went in to sell some shoes for like $8/hr and didn’t say shit. Seriously. You need the shit kicked out of you.

Next up. Her insurance company. Who she has neglected to call at this point. Of course she’s neglected to call them. She’s busy selling shoes. And I’m pretty sure there was a BOGO sale going on. Fuck me sideways.

So Mr. Insurance Man says, “did my insured leave the scene?”
Well, sir, she got out of her car and went inside to sell shoes. Call it whatever you want. (He laughs under his breath) Oh, and by the way sir, while I was on hold waiting to get to you… I noticed your recording mentioned multiple times about windshield coverage. Well, you should really talk to your insured about that since she’s driving around with a busted windshield. She’d probably find this information helpful. (Again he laughs… I know he was trying hard not to.. and to be honest. I’d laugh at that if someone said it to me, too.)

The end result right now is that… I’m 31 minutes late to go out for my birthday with one of my best friends. And I’m way pissed.

Mostly though, I’m just amazed I haven’t cried yet today. Because this is really getting the best of me.

Didn’t know I hit you!!!

Up close and personal… Stupid bitch. If you can’t drive a tank. DON’T.

Wheel well… and some dirt!

PS I’m pretty sure there are typos in this… if so, I don’t give a damn. I’m late to party for my birthday for the love of your Momma!!!!